The Laughter Surgery

[spO_on]

hehe

[Surgeon]

rofl

[Target]

Hahaha!

[spO_on]

Larry LaPrise, the man that wrote 'The Hokie Kokey' died peacefully at the

age of 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the

coffin. They put his left leg in... And then the trouble started.

[Surgeon]

the oldies are the best sp0_on

Right....time to go and dig up more funnies!!!!!

[Joe1965]

A pretty teacher was concerned with one of her students.

Taking him aside after class one day, she asked, "Little Johnny, why has your school work been so poor lately?"

"I'm in love," the boy replied.

Holding back an urge to smile, she asked, "With whom?"

"With YOU!" he said.

"But Johnny," she said gently, "don't you see how silly that is? It's true that I would like a husband of my own someday. But I don't want a child."

"Oh, don't worry," the boy said reassuringly, "I'll use a rubber!"


Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives. “Does your wife ever do it doggy style?” asked the one. “Well… not exactly.” his friend replied, “She’s more into the trick dog aspect of it.”

“Oh, I see, so she’s kinky eh?” he asked curiously. “Well… not exactly… I sit up and beg, and she rolls over and plays dead.”

[Novak]

Patrick, who was vacationing in the Bahamas couldn't seem to make it with any of the girls. So he asked the local lifeguard for some advice.

"Mate, it's obvious," says the lifeguard, "you're wearing them old baggy swimming trunks that make ya look like an old geezer. They're years outta style. Your best bet is to grab yourself a pair of Speedos - about two sizes too small - and drop a fist-sized potato down inside 'em. I'm tellin' ya man... you'll have all the babes ya want!"

The following weekend, Patrick hits the beach with his spanking new tight Speedos, and his fist-sized potato. Everybody on the beach was disgusted as he walked by, covering their faces, turning away, laughing, looking sick!

So he went back to the lifeguard again and asked him, "What's wrong now?" "Damn, Mate!" said the lifeguard, "The potato goes in front!!"

[Target]

Rofl! ;D

[spO_on]

haha

[Surgeon]

A woman's revenge .. the drink ..

A girl and her boyfriend go to the pub. When it's the girl's turn to buy around, she tells him that
she's heard of a wonderful new drink he simply must try.

She returns with the usual half of lager for herself. For him, she has two glasses.
One contains a measure of Bailey's, the other lime juice.

Instructions: "OK, what you gotta do is, you gotta swig the Bailey's, hold it in your mouth,
and then drink the lime juice." He looks a bit dubious, but she's very enthusiastic so he decides to give it a go.

First the Bailey's; lovely smooth, creamy, warm feeling in the mouth.
Then he takes the lime juice.


T + 0.1 secs: The cream in the Bailey's curdles.

T + 0.3 secs: Boyfriend's face turns the color of fresh lime juice.

T + 0.6 secs: Boyfriend calms his stomach and swallows the gunge.

T + 1.5 secs: She whispers in his ear....

"It's called Blowjob revenge"

[Surgeon]

Underwear is Important

Always wear clean underwear in public, especially when working under your vehicle...

From the Northwest Florida Daily News comes this story of a Crestview couple that drove their car to Wal-Mart, only to have their car break down in the parking lot.

The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car in the lot. The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection, she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis.

Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned private parts into glaringly public ones. Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand UP his shorts, and tucked everything back into place. On regaining her feet, she looked across the hood and found herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by.


The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his forehead.

[Surgeon]

What's the difference between a woman having her period and a terrorist?
A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.

[Surgeon]

The Top 10 reasons why a handgun is better than a woman

#10 - You can trade an old .44 for two new .22s.
#9 - You can keep one handgun at home and have another for when you're on the road.
#8 - If you admire a friend's handgun, and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.
#7 - Your primary handgun doesn't mind if you have a backup.
#6 - Your handgun will stay with you even if you're out of ammo.
#5 - A handgun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.
#4 - Handguns function normally every day of the month.
#3 - A handgun doesn't ask "Do these new grips make me look fat?"
#2 - A handgun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.
AND THE NUMBER ONE WAY THAT A HANDGUN IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN . . . You can buy a silencer for a handgun.

[Surgeon]

You can tell i have told these to my missus and they are ok cause I am still living!


Why is it called PMS? -- Because "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been."

A woman went to a doctor and said , doctor, I have a problem. every time I sneeze I have an orgasm. the doctor said, oh really, what have you been doing for it. the woman replied, snorting pepper. ( I really cant stop laughing at this one!)

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life

I married my wife for her looks...but not the ones she's been giving me lately!

[Surgeon]

what she says Vs what she means.

Understanding a Woman


We need
REALLY MEANS
I want


You want
REALLY MEANS
You need



It's your decision
REALLY MEANS
The correct decision should be obvious by now.


We need to talk
REALLY MEANS
I need to complain


Do what you want
REALLY MEANS
You'll pay for this later.


You're ... so manly
REALLY MEANS
You need a shave and you sweat a lot.


Sure... go ahead
REALLY MEANS
I don't want you to.


I'm not upset
REALLY MEANS
Of course I'm upset, you moron!


You're certainly attentive tonight.
REALLY MEANS
Is sex all you ever think about?


I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting!
REALLY MEANS
I'm on my period.


Be romantic, turn out the lights.
REALLY MEANS
I'm Embarrassed


This kitchen is so inconvenient
REALLY MEANS
I want a new house.


You have to learn to communicate.
REALLY MEANS
Just agree with me.


Yes
REALLY MEANS
No


No
REALLY MEANS
No


Maybe
REALLY MEANS
No


I heard a noise
REALLY MEANS
I noticed you were almost asleep.


Do you love me?
REALLY MEANS
I'm going to ask for something expensive.


How much do you love me?
REALLY MEANS
I did something you're not going to like.


I'll be ready in a minute.
REALLY MEANS
Be patient I'll be a while.


Am I a little fat?
REALLY MEANS
Tell me I'm beautiful.


I'm sorry.
REALLY MEANS
You'll be sorry.


Do you like this recipe?
REALLY MEANS
It's easy to fix, so get used to it.


Was that the baby?
REALLY MEANS
Why don't you wake up and deal with the baby.


I'm not yelling!
REALLY MEANS
Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.


All we're going to buy is a soap dish
REALLY MEANS
Major shopping trip. Did you bring your checkbook?

[Surgeon]

WOMEN'S REVENGE

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after bagging items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a TV remote in her purse. "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked. "No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most legal evil thing I could do to him."


ok I think that is enough for tonight. More jokes soon

[Surgeon]

The web isn't better than sex, but sliced bread is in serious trouble

[Target]

Hehe, I like all of them you posted today keep them comming.

[Surgeon]

more on the way in few minutes:

[Surgeon]

OK some "stupid" laws.

Kentucky - USA

Throwing eggs at a public speaker could result in up to one year in prison.

One may not dye a duckling blue and offer it for sale unless more than six are for sale at once.

It is illegal to fish with a bow and arrow in Kentucky.

It's illegal to fish in the Ohio River in Kentucky without an Indiana Fishing License.

Dogs may not molest cars. (Fort Thomas)

By law, anyone who has been drinking is "sober" until he or she "cannot hold onto the ground." (Lexington)

One may not receive anal sex. (Owensboro)

A woman may not buy a hat without her husband's permission. (Owensboro)

Nevada - USA

It is illegal to drive a camel on the highway.

It's still "legal" to hang someone for shooting your dog on your property.

An ordinance makes bringing a concealable fire arm into the county illegal unless it is registered with the Las Vegas Metropolitan Police Department. In order to register a handgun, however, it must be brought in to the police station. Furthermore, you may not register a gun on the weekends, but the police may prosecute you at that time. (Clark County)

New Mexico - USA

State officials ordered 400 words of "sexually explicit material" to be cut from Romeo and Juliet.

It's forbidden for a female to appear unshaven in public. (Carrizozo)

You may not carry a lunchbox down Main Street. (Las Cruces)

New York - USA

A fine of $25 can be levied for flirting. This old law specifically prohibits men from turning around on any city street and looking "at a woman in that way." A second conviction for a crime of this magnitude calls for the violating male to be forced to wear a "pair of horse-blinders" wherever and whenever he goes outside for a stroll.

A license must be purchased before hanging clothes on a clothesline.

The penalty for jumping off a building is death.

While riding in an elevator, one must talk to no one, and fold his hands while looking toward the door.

Slippers are not to be worn after 10:00 P.M.

A man can't go outside while wearing a jacket and pants that do not match. (Carmel)

Women may go topless in public, providing it is not being used as a business. (New York)

You may not smoke within 100 feet of the entrance to a public building. (New York)

It is illegal for a woman to be on the street wearing "body hugging clothing." (New York)

Citizens may not greet each other by "putting one's thumb to the nose and wiggling the fingers". (New York)

It is illegal for men to go topless in the center of town. (Ocean City)

It is illegal to eat in the street in residential neighborhoods, and the only beverage you can drink on the beach is water in a clear plastic bottle. (Ocean City)

It is illegal to disrobe in a wagon. (Sag Harbor)

If one wishes to bathe in the city limits, they must be clothed in a "suitable bathing suit". (Sag Harbor)

It is illegal for a father to call his son a "faggot" or "queer" in an effort to curb "girlie behavior." (Staten Island)

You may only water your lawn if the hose is held in your hand. (Staten Island)

Seems to be a trend here!!