Post by Goatboy on Oct 13, 2006 16:42:06 GMT 1
"Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, andanyone going faster than you is a moron."
George Carlin
"Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home. "
Bill Cosby
"If you're going to dedicate your career to ranting about the excesses of American capitalism, you probably shouldn't weigh 450 pounds."
Greg Giraldo
"And I know this happens because I took economics, and I'd explain it to yea' - but I flunked that course. Not my fault. They taught it at 8 o'clock in the morning. And there is absolutely nothing you can learn out of one bloodshot eye."
Lewis Black
"I'm sadistic. I go to the supermarkets to watch mothers lose it and beat the shit out of their kids."
Eddie Murphy
“I went to Zimbabwe...I know how white people feel in America now, relaxed! Cause when I heard the police car I knew they weren't coming after me!”
Richard Pryor
"How come people always flip and think they're Jesus? Why not Buddha? Particularly in America, where more people resemble Buddha than Jesus. 'Ah'm BUDDHA!' 'You're Bubba!' 'Ah'm Buddha now..All I gotta do is change 3 letters on ma belt...'
Bill Hicks
"If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little electric chairs around their necks instead of crosses."
Lenny Bruce
“Why hate someone for the color of their skin when there are much better reasons to hate them.”
Denis Leary
"If you think having kids is hard, try convincing your girlfriend to have her third consecutive abortion. That takes commitment!"
David Cross
"My father was a beekeeper before me, his father was a beekeeper. I want to follow in their footsteps. And their footsteps were like this. "AAAAAAAH! I'm covered in beeeeees!"
Eddie Izzard
"I was involved in a perfect example of "oral contraception" a couple of weeks ago. I asked a girl to go to bed with me... and she said no."
Woody Allen
George Carlin
"Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home. "
Bill Cosby
"If you're going to dedicate your career to ranting about the excesses of American capitalism, you probably shouldn't weigh 450 pounds."
Greg Giraldo
"And I know this happens because I took economics, and I'd explain it to yea' - but I flunked that course. Not my fault. They taught it at 8 o'clock in the morning. And there is absolutely nothing you can learn out of one bloodshot eye."
Lewis Black
"I'm sadistic. I go to the supermarkets to watch mothers lose it and beat the shit out of their kids."
Eddie Murphy
“I went to Zimbabwe...I know how white people feel in America now, relaxed! Cause when I heard the police car I knew they weren't coming after me!”
Richard Pryor
"How come people always flip and think they're Jesus? Why not Buddha? Particularly in America, where more people resemble Buddha than Jesus. 'Ah'm BUDDHA!' 'You're Bubba!' 'Ah'm Buddha now..All I gotta do is change 3 letters on ma belt...'
Bill Hicks
"If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little electric chairs around their necks instead of crosses."
Lenny Bruce
“Why hate someone for the color of their skin when there are much better reasons to hate them.”
Denis Leary
"If you think having kids is hard, try convincing your girlfriend to have her third consecutive abortion. That takes commitment!"
David Cross
"My father was a beekeeper before me, his father was a beekeeper. I want to follow in their footsteps. And their footsteps were like this. "AAAAAAAH! I'm covered in beeeeees!"
Eddie Izzard
"I was involved in a perfect example of "oral contraception" a couple of weeks ago. I asked a girl to go to bed with me... and she said no."
Woody Allen
